Is he or Is he not?

    I have been finding myself often wondering why I got married in the first place. I have to actually sit down and think about the beginning of our relationship and what made it so perfect and fresh. That's when I remember, it was the attention I received from him. It was the little sarcastic banter that he and I always did on a playful basis. It was the warmth of his body as he held me tight late at night while we fell asleep comfortably in each other's arms. 

    Now 7 years later, 5 of them being married, I wonder now why is it that he doesn't look me in the eyes anymore. Why does he not make it a point to say "I love you" or why does he chose to sit on the other couch of ours and not by me on the same couch? We've been hitting some low moments lately but even through trying to fix them he makes for a confusing time. One moment he seems attentive and concerned the next he's cold and has a different demeanor. I wonder what could have possibly happened in our relationship for it to come down this dark, dreary road with a path to a dead end. It's heart wrenching when the one you love won't open up. Especially if there is a huge need for that to happen rather it's one sided or both of us need to open up more. But I think it's the tentative details that make a huge difference. Hopefully with treating the future very delicately and satisfyingly feeling each sensation as I can possibly stand, this will start a new beginning with us and perhaps I can feel lighter in the sense that perhaps one day things will work out for the best. Maybe then I will find out if he loves me or he doesn't.

"You Scavenger"

Upon you there is greed, lust and death. Will you step aside and let the guards deal? Or will you bow down to such magistrates of life? You run the streets of filth, you feed off of other's souls. What will you do now? Scavenge what you can you scavengers, for it won't be long until the darkness swallows you whole. You think it's hard to breath now - just you wait. The day will come when the walls fall down by beggars hands and see what they cause afterwards. You will be begging for the water to stop flooding your lungs - yet there will be no water in them. You will be begging for the fire to stop engulfing your lungs - yet there will be no fire in them. 

Your eyes will be blinded by the blackness of your irises that bleed. No color will be left in them. Your skin will change to a light grey, it will begin to gradually peel away until nothing is showing but veins and raw meat. Eventually the veins will dry up and shrink and the raw meat and muscle will dry as well. No one will help you, least you should shout out in pain or yell out for help. Even I whom has constantly been there to support you through you troubles; will not help. Yes you heard me correctly, nor I would be there to save your binding spirit. You scavenger, you greed, you lust and death -all into one. You will not hurt me anymore. You who does not control me anymore, begone. Go back to your own little world I will have nothing else to do with you. 


-Michelle Shiflett

Thought

Indignity, pain and love equals a life time of embarrassment of psychiatric health issues.

"A Love like no other"

There have been many times I have thought that I had found TRUE love. I'm happy and grateful for finally able to say that was all false hope and today at the (still) tender age of twenty-four I can honestly shout off the roof tops that I indeed have found TRUE love. I'm grateful for the fact that it has been shown to me now then when I become fifty or even eighty. I'm now able to live the rest o my years happier then most because it takes a lot of people a whole life time of searching to find TRUE love and still there are some who are not as fortunate. The possibilities of TRUE love being different for everyone is great only because everyone perceives love differently. To me my TRUE love is a splendid blessing and I only have God to thank for it. 

My TRUE love is a big bushel of 1 big group called - 'My Family'. First came my husband whom when I first met I never wanted to leave his side. I could stare at him all day sometimes. Boy did I ever try to. It doesn't matter if my husband and I have fights/arguments. It doesn't matter if there comes a time we decide being together is not meant to be. He is the love of my life. I have never wanted anyone as badly as I wanted him. I'm deeply in love with this man and I always will be. My children make up the rest of the bushel. My heart grows founder of them more and more each day. Just when I think I can't love them anymore than I am, I find room in my heart, more room I didn't even know was there. God's Love is TRUE love. He made humans, so giving birth to beautiful children that I carried for months at a time is God's love. I couldn't possibly ever imagine how he feels about each one of us.   - Michelle Shiflett

"Gratitude"

Gratitude is only in the eye of the beholder. Whom have we not wondered about? Graciously we walk in the night, our footsteps light as feathers. Yet we run so happily where everyone can hear us. How come? Why do we walk so far and get nowhere? Is our hearts burdened with a lover's spat? Why do we hold on for so long when it hurts and tears us up inside?  I did love him . . . I don't anymore. We only see what we wish to see. Unlikely like us right? No! More so like us. We are unfit for the angels that cross our paths. However, we are fit for each other for we all sin and we all do practically the same things. Why not put satan with satan? We are each guilty just as the next. 

-Michelle Shiflett

"Flower"

A flower is only yet a sin of a truth, only another kind. It's looks and appearances are deceiving. It may attack you at any moment that it wishes too. It sets forth a poisonous scent that makes nose hairs curl up, eyes made, are to water and cry. It brings death upon which no other can replace it or heal the wound that the flower has now caused upon the sorrowful soul. The lover just lies there in the dark and on the floor, their breath gets shallow as hours pass. If only they had not have accepted the sweet gift of as which that had given to them. May they feel free spirited to jump and slap around as a happy fool in love. Death becomes a toll and smells sweet to some that feed off of rats in the night. Let not dawn destroy them but by a flower which smells so sweet can taste so cold and rotten. Let it be naked and secret to the lover's eye.  - Michelle Shiflett

"Places"

Grassy meadows so free at sight,

Goodwill given on a cold dark night.

Hands shake at mornings dew,

Laughter's crying at something new.

Look around and see the faces,

Faces which show empty places. 

By: Michelle Shiflett

Busy

Being busy hasn't always been something I've enjoyed taking part of. As of late, it's something I can't stop! I seem to have to be constantly doing something or I'm not happy. Someone recently told me that- "When you stay busy and you feel like that is making you happy then you're making up for something that you aren't happy with, within yourself." I pondered on this thought but not for long. I suddenly realized I didn't even have the time to think much about that thought because I was so busy. At last, here I am, still busy. I don't know how to relax, it's to hard for me to figure out. Yet, if you went back 10+ years of my life you'd see someone with a lot of time on their hands. I haven't relaxed in over 5 years now. But I love my life and if I'm sacrificing something of mine then I'm sure I'll find out sooner then later. Until then I'm going to continue to balance-my jobs, my writing, my relationship with my husband and daughters, FF, EMS, college, my house and up-keep, and my friends and charities I like to participate in.

If you find yourself with a busy lifestyle and you can't seem to figure out what your really chasing in life try and find that time to focus on your life and figure out what it is you're chasing and going for. I'm going to and I suggest you do the same too. Weed out what's not giving you the satisfaction that you would like to have and keep the ones that make you happy and worth your time.

My two girls from Halloween. Paige is on the right-Minnie Mouse and Madison is on the left-Lady bug. I adore both of their costumes. This was Madison's first Halloween and she did great! She was a champ. Paige was able to understand it better this year so of course she was into all the candy! Throughly enjoyed ourselves and can't wait for Thanksgiving and Christmas now!

BUSY!

I have been very busy since August. Not only have I began teaching part-time I have joined the Fire/Rescue Department and have been currently taking EMS-First Responder Classes. I will eventually bridge over to EMT. January I begin my Firefighter One class. On top of all of that I'm finishing up college. My major is English. And First and fore most I am trying to be the best mom and wife I can possibly be without losing my head throughout this whole ordeal. I'm tired but I'm loving every second of it!

Needless to say I haven't had time to write on here or write in general really. But I'm going to continue to write when I do have the time. I have submitted some work this past fall and I will continue to do so until I finally get a book published which is my ultimate dream. In the mean time I'm going to try and have fun and balance all of this out and hopefully come out on top. I'm so determined for this to work.

Ultimately I have God and my family that has been great in supporting me through all this even if they have thought it's crazy much on my plate! In family I mean my husband and his family because I have yet to tell my folks or extended family. If you knew where I am coming from with that issue then you wouldn't blame me either. I plan on breaking the news to them when I finish Fire Fighter One classes if not then sooner from a medical call that they see me on.

Been busy with Halloween recently, took the girls to a church party and a little bit of trick-or-treating. They had fun. Paige was Minnie Mouse and Madison was a Ladybug.

I'm going to go now trying to finish up potty training my oldest daughter.