"A Love like no other"

There have been many times I have thought that I had found TRUE love. I'm happy and grateful for finally able to say that was all false hope and today at the (still) tender age of twenty-four I can honestly shout off the roof tops that I indeed have found TRUE love. I'm grateful for the fact that it has been shown to me now then when I become fifty or even eighty. I'm now able to live the rest o my years happier then most because it takes a lot of people a whole life time of searching to find TRUE love and still there are some who are not as fortunate. The possibilities of TRUE love being different for everyone is great only because everyone perceives love differently. To me my TRUE love is a splendid blessing and I only have God to thank for it. 

My TRUE love is a big bushel of 1 big group called - 'My Family'. First came my husband whom when I first met I never wanted to leave his side. I could stare at him all day sometimes. Boy did I ever try to. It doesn't matter if my husband and I have fights/arguments. It doesn't matter if there comes a time we decide being together is not meant to be. He is the love of my life. I have never wanted anyone as badly as I wanted him. I'm deeply in love with this man and I always will be. My children make up the rest of the bushel. My heart grows founder of them more and more each day. Just when I think I can't love them anymore than I am, I find room in my heart, more room I didn't even know was there. God's Love is TRUE love. He made humans, so giving birth to beautiful children that I carried for months at a time is God's love. I couldn't possibly ever imagine how he feels about each one of us.   - Michelle Shiflett

"Gratitude"

Gratitude is only in the eye of the beholder. Whom have we not wondered about? Graciously we walk in the night, our footsteps light as feathers. Yet we run so happily where everyone can hear us. How come? Why do we walk so far and get nowhere? Is our hearts burdened with a lover's spat? Why do we hold on for so long when it hurts and tears us up inside?  I did love him . . . I don't anymore. We only see what we wish to see. Unlikely like us right? No! More so like us. We are unfit for the angels that cross our paths. However, we are fit for each other for we all sin and we all do practically the same things. Why not put satan with satan? We are each guilty just as the next. 

-Michelle Shiflett

"Flower"

A flower is only yet a sin of a truth, only another kind. It's looks and appearances are deceiving. It may attack you at any moment that it wishes too. It sets forth a poisonous scent that makes nose hairs curl up, eyes made, are to water and cry. It brings death upon which no other can replace it or heal the wound that the flower has now caused upon the sorrowful soul. The lover just lies there in the dark and on the floor, their breath gets shallow as hours pass. If only they had not have accepted the sweet gift of as which that had given to them. May they feel free spirited to jump and slap around as a happy fool in love. Death becomes a toll and smells sweet to some that feed off of rats in the night. Let not dawn destroy them but by a flower which smells so sweet can taste so cold and rotten. Let it be naked and secret to the lover's eye.  - Michelle Shiflett

"Places"

Grassy meadows so free at sight,

Goodwill given on a cold dark night.

Hands shake at mornings dew,

Laughter's crying at something new.

Look around and see the faces,

Faces which show empty places. 

By: Michelle Shiflett

Busy

Being busy hasn't always been something I've enjoyed taking part of. As of late, it's something I can't stop! I seem to have to be constantly doing something or I'm not happy. Someone recently told me that- "When you stay busy and you feel like that is making you happy then you're making up for something that you aren't happy with, within yourself." I pondered on this thought but not for long. I suddenly realized I didn't even have the time to think much about that thought because I was so busy. At last, here I am, still busy. I don't know how to relax, it's to hard for me to figure out. Yet, if you went back 10+ years of my life you'd see someone with a lot of time on their hands. I haven't relaxed in over 5 years now. But I love my life and if I'm sacrificing something of mine then I'm sure I'll find out sooner then later. Until then I'm going to continue to balance-my jobs, my writing, my relationship with my husband and daughters, FF, EMS, college, my house and up-keep, and my friends and charities I like to participate in.

If you find yourself with a busy lifestyle and you can't seem to figure out what your really chasing in life try and find that time to focus on your life and figure out what it is you're chasing and going for. I'm going to and I suggest you do the same too. Weed out what's not giving you the satisfaction that you would like to have and keep the ones that make you happy and worth your time.

My two girls from Halloween. Paige is on the right-Minnie Mouse and Madison is on the left-Lady bug. I adore both of their costumes. This was Madison's first Halloween and she did great! She was a champ. Paige was able to understand it better this year so of course she was into all the candy! Throughly enjoyed ourselves and can't wait for Thanksgiving and Christmas now!

BUSY!

I have been very busy since August. Not only have I began teaching part-time I have joined the Fire/Rescue Department and have been currently taking EMS-First Responder Classes. I will eventually bridge over to EMT. January I begin my Firefighter One class. On top of all of that I'm finishing up college. My major is English. And First and fore most I am trying to be the best mom and wife I can possibly be without losing my head throughout this whole ordeal. I'm tired but I'm loving every second of it!

Needless to say I haven't had time to write on here or write in general really. But I'm going to continue to write when I do have the time. I have submitted some work this past fall and I will continue to do so until I finally get a book published which is my ultimate dream. In the mean time I'm going to try and have fun and balance all of this out and hopefully come out on top. I'm so determined for this to work.

Ultimately I have God and my family that has been great in supporting me through all this even if they have thought it's crazy much on my plate! In family I mean my husband and his family because I have yet to tell my folks or extended family. If you knew where I am coming from with that issue then you wouldn't blame me either. I plan on breaking the news to them when I finish Fire Fighter One classes if not then sooner from a medical call that they see me on.

Been busy with Halloween recently, took the girls to a church party and a little bit of trick-or-treating. They had fun. Paige was Minnie Mouse and Madison was a Ladybug.

I'm going to go now trying to finish up potty training my oldest daughter.

After pulling over to the side of the road, I have finally settled down. Maybe my thinking was irrational-maybe not. All I did know, was that I was alone. Utterly and completely alone. I balled my fists up holding them against my face. Squishing my eyes deep into their sockets. Was I angry? Or plainly confused? Was all I did a lie? Was my entire LIFE a lie? Just once I thought I found "myself" that human inside the shell-I had only found the beginning of a very long journey-that would never end.

-M. Shiflett

"The Other Heart"

My heart beats. Just like any of yours. It beats faster when I'm excited, anxious, exercising and nervous. It beats slower when I'm calm, meditating and asleep. It pumps blood throughout my body providing the nourishment my vital organs need. I don't FEEL it unless it does beat fast.

The Other Heart- Which I'm sure does not come from this same vital organ I need to keep myself alive- is the one you can't see. Not even I can see it. God possibly can see it I'm sure. I do know that I can FEEL it. Without a doubt in my mind. I've felt on and off a few times before in my life. But NEVER quite as momentous as it has the past two years and specifically as each day passes on.

Here is an example or two:

I'm brushing my teeth in the bathroom. Just had gotten out of the shower I can hear my husband tell my oldest daughter it's time for 'night-night'. I hear her say "ma-ma nigh-nigh" with a smooching sound at the end. It lets me know she's coming to me for a kiss before she goes to bed. I hurry in my excitment to get it right, so I finish brushing my teeth. By the time she comes around the corner pulling her pillow behind her I'm already kneeling down on both knees to catch a hug from her and a petite kiss on the cheek. It's not sloppy it's more like a fairy kiss. I squeeze her unto her liking but she still smiles at me before she turns and says "nigh-nigh" and follows her dad down the hall into her room. I see the end of her pillow lastly following behind. My heart sinks because I know those nights are limited. I stand up to continue to clean up behind myself in the bathroom. Throwing the dirty clothes into the hallway closet hamper and I can hear little footsteps coming back down the hallway. Once again I hurriedly shut the door and there she stands my little two year old wanting just one more kiss before she runs off again. It made me tear up, honestly I wanted to bawl right there. Will she be doing this a year from now? I know she DEFINITELY won't be doing it when she's 18 and ready to leave me. It's outrageously a sweet bitter moment. I want to get it right every time so that both she and I can savor those sweet moments.


2 example:

This one is simple because my youngest is only six months old. She doesn't have much she can do as of yet only trying to crawl and making me laugh with her silly faces and noises. I can't help to feel the same way towards her when she's looking into my eyes and smiles every time she sees my face. Especially when she wakes up. Knowing that she's this happy now. I want to make sure she's always going to be happy. All through our little talks I give her while I feed her her bottle or such she looks at me straight in my eyes like she's listening . . . I'm really far fetching it there though! lol Yet I have the same amount of love for her as I do my oldest and I cannot waith for to come around the corner wanting to kiss me goodnight before SHE goes to bed too.


Michelle Shiflett

When I'm Alone . . .

When I'm alone at night, when my husband and two children have fallen into a safe sleep. It's the time I cry to myself, curled up in a dark corner of the house. A room far away to my choosing-Knees bent, with my head tucked down feeling my forehead heavily resting on them. My arms wrapped around my folded legs. My fingers intertwined clutching onto a balled and tattered piece of toilet paper that I hurriedly tore off the roll. Knowing later my better bet would have been to take the entire roll with me. To accompany me in one of my many darkest moments.

These darkest moments are the only times I shed the tears of pain and agony I hold on to without desire to let go. These darkest moments are when I feel the most human, the most vulnerable and the most honest-with myself. Because I do not shed tears where all can see in fear of my own failure from things I learned as young as the age of six. It is all I can stand but to do it alone without the comforts of anyone else's arms but Gods.

The things I've learned since the age of six? I was told "Never show your sadness to anyone. For YOU are the one to be the strong one for everyone else."